I have a feeling that I'm not living my life in full. It's like I'm scared and something is pulling me back. I think and dream about so much situations that I'm not making any memories. I know that this may sound dramatic because I'm only seventeen and life is in front of me but at the time it's like life is passing by and I'm not even aware of it. I would like to get rid of fear and just enjoy life but it seems that I can't do that. I'm always worrying and over thinking everything. I'm afraid that when I get older and I look back at my life I would see all the chances that I missed and memories that I didn't made. Because after all memories will be the only thing that we'll always have.
We have power to decide how we'll live our life. That scares a crap out of me. How to know which choices are good and which bad? Perhaps with morality and conscience. When I was little I always wanted to be teenage girl. You know having lot of friends, fall crazy in love, travel with my friends just like in every teen movie. But reality isn't like that. That's probably the reason why I love to watch that kind of movies so much. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful for my family, friends ad life in general but I would like to have courage to try new things and step out of my comfort zone. Go on a spontaneous journey to the seaside with my friends, watch starry sky, sing and dance by the fire all night, meet new people and travel. I don't want to read about all that things or watch them in a movies I want to live them.
I'm always waiting for something, for summer, for next day or week. I think that I waited enough. I want to live in the moment and don't want to regret about past or worry about future. I know that some will say that I have time for all that memories making time, but do I really have? Time is unpredictable. Who knows what could happen tomorrow. I don't want to keep saying "I'll do that tomorrow". I'm afraid that I'm going to grow old and don't have chance to do all the things that I want to do. Grown up stuff will get in the way. I'll try my best to enjoy life and not from the beginning of the new year, but from this moment.
YOLO!
♥ ;)
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